Community

Nothing like a night out with friends to recharge your batteries.  Me and some gal pals went down to the local pub, obstensibly for book club, but really to socialize because book club seems to be fading fast.  We're not into the books as much anymore, and it is getting hard for all of us, of which there are only eight, to get together and have a night as being us.  Not so much moms, doctors, vets, lawyers, nurses, historians, teachers, office managers or writers.  We do talk about our kids, but we also talk about community, a little gossip about our work lives and spend the time learning about each other as we tell stories of our past.  I enjoy this little group of friends, and though book club may not be what we need, I think we do need time together, separate from our kids, husbands and work obligations.

So I woke up this morning, thinking about how I got the opinions from one friend on the youth sports programs in our town.  She's probably more knowledgeable about that stuff.  I wouldn't know if the high school was winning or losing.  I'm not one to care about winners and losers in sports, just how they play the game.  Yes, it is great to win, but I'd rather they focus on team work and skill building, especially at a young age.  I was also thinking about how we compared notes on sending daughters to dance, and our thoughts on local Cub Scouts.  Most of us walked, but some drove to the local pub to meet.  It's so cozy to be just blocks from your downtown businesses.  I walked in the warm fall air to meet up with one friend on the way to walk the rest of the way to the pub.

This is the community that you wonder about when you move away from home.  It's not very big, but it's part of the larger town landscape.  It's the friends and neighbors that give you their advice and opinions, invite you over for backyard parties and pumpkin carvings, take pictures of your kids in Halloween costumes, debate with you and accept your differences, share cookies and holiday recipes, invite you over in the winter storms for coffee cake and hot beverages while your children play and argue together.  It can be found.  But it does take work.

I now understand how hard it is to move.  It's not just hard on your children, it's hard on the grown ups leaving their social groups behind.  That next job somewhere else needs to be pretty spectacular to make you want to uproot your whole sense of being as self, as a couple, as a family.  We did move once before as a whole family and we were pretty strong in our convictions that we wanted a smaller town life for our children.  The uprooting was deemed worthy of the goal we were looking for.  We had our very good friends in our city suburban life and we miss them dearly, but it was a much smaller group of people we knew compared to how we've branched out.  The only thing that would make living here better is if we could have brought them with us.  But each family has to weigh that decision.  For us, the move to the small town was a mystery that we couldn't be sure it would be totally right, but turned into a great thing.  It could have turned out different, but for that fateful day my then stay-at-home husband took our then two year old to the library and the librarian said, "Oh, are you here for the playgroup?"  He wasn't, but it seemed like a good idea and somehow a group of similar minded parents met each other, let their little children play, and eventually grew to bond in different ways.

The "new" job maybe has faded in its previous expectations, but we have something we value so much more, the community that we live in is something that makes our lives full, balancing any of the difficult challenges that we face.

The end of an era

I think I've mentioned before the trials and tribulations of Mr. Wild and his foray into stay-at-home parenthood. It was fraught with its pitfalls, frustrations, and happy moments. But it was good for all of us, I think we all would agree in our family.

After WC#2 started all day kindergarten, Mr. Wild thought perhaps he needed things to do. He did, for a bit, work the census, which worked as a great part time job. For as long as it lasted. It was supposed to last for a couple months, but his census team was so good, they were done in about four weeks. That was it.

Mr. Wild still felt he needed to have some useful occupation. He started to toy with the idea of getting back into the museum field. Yes, we both have the same professional background, which is a challenge unless you live in a high population area with many historical societies in a small land area. We love living in Wisconsin in a small town. We love our friends here and our schools and the atmosphere. We love the way we can get nearly everywhere in town on bike (if we wanted). So getting back into the museum field without us moving could have been a challenge.

But, the jobs popped up, one here, one there. There was one about 45 minutes away, but sounded very interesting. Unfortunately, the website with the announcement was outdated, because they had already hired someone for the posted position when he checked. Let this be a lesson to all (including me), keep your websites updated!

Then, it seemed almost providential, a nearby town with its historical society had a new job announcement. Mr. Wild read the description and said, "I can do that." And the whole process went well. They called for the phone interview. Mr. Wild was nervous, "I haven't done this in years." They called him back for an in-person interview. Trying on work clothes for Mr. Wild was a bit harrowing. We won't mention how it seems all the clothes shrank in the last five years. They were pleased with him and called him back for an interview with the staff.

Then, they called him with the position. He was thrilled. I was thrilled for him. It is always nice to be chosen for a job. Then reality set in. We didn't know how we were going to be a two income family again. Did we want to? Mr. Wild and I have grand ideas of maybe we could switch places. But extenuating circumstances at this point won't allow us to switch.

[I'm going to add a dig into the health care debate. His job offers no health insurance, mine does at very low cost. I tried to look up the cost for family health care at the level I have it, and we could not afford that on our own, not with orthodontics and the kids being in sports and glasses and everything else. If there had been a public option at a reasonable price for the whole family, well then....]

We did find afterschool care for the kids. It is a good price and both are doing well with it. For my son, the afterschool care is at the school and he gets his homework done during those hours, then can come home and relax with us. I think for him, this transition is fine, and maybe even really good for him. He's at the point where he won't listen to us grownups, can be distracted by what we have at home, so the afterschool program allows him to get his homework done and then be relaxed at home. For WC#2, I think it's a harder transition. She was extra huggy the first week, to both of us, but now she seems to be settling in a routine. She's good about doing her homework after she gets home to see us.

The hardest thing, I think, is for Mr. Wild to change his focus and mindset. He liked being at home when the kids came from school. He misses those two hours before I come home. I never understood this was the case, because, to me, he would often seem frustrated with the kids when I got back, but I think that just comes with the territory. I don't know if I can be of much help, because I have always been at work. I cherish the weekends and other spare time I have with the kids, but I don't think I know that feeling of not being there.

He says he always feels overwhelmed with how much he has to do at this new place and is not able to concentrate. Granted, he's only been back a total of seven days. I keep telling him to give himself more time than seven days.

I'm not sure how long we will be able to stay in this pattern. I think we both believe we needed to give it a try. Especially since this job would be good on his resume and not some random job he could have held. It's kind of a wait and see situation. I believe in Mr. Wild, after he has six months or more to get into a routine, I think things will go well.

But I think we both might really be happy if we could both be at home. Funny that.