Dear Little Mouse,
I know the weather is a little chilly outside at night. I also know that you are cute, and fuzzy, and look adorable when you chew on a corn kernel. However, you may not know that this is my house and it is not acceptable to leave your little presents on my counter or under my sink. Mice are to live in the wild and my house is not the wild, thank you very much, despite what you may have heard. You are to be evicted immediately and I don't care how cute your little whiskers or paws are. It is also not acceptable to be sneaky and lick the peanut butter right off the trap without setting it off. Therefore, I have placed more presents for you around the places where you left us presents. I am sure you will not enjoy them, but I hope your life is quick and short and painless and I can then get on with mine.
Dear Little Chipmunk or Ground Squirrel or whatever the heck you are called,
I know you think you're cute, with all your aunts, uncles, cousins, and siblings living under our garage and in our house walls. However, when one of them dies inside those said walls, the stench is pretty nasty. If you're going to live there, have the courtesy to die elsewhere so our basement does not smell like death. In addition, we could live with seeing one or two of you around, but now there's a whole commune and we do not want to see more holes in our yard or foundation wall. Therefore, Mr. Wild left you some tasty treats that may make your stomach hurt. Please be sure to have that stomach ache away from our house, so we don't smell your rotting carcass when it finally gets to you. If you want to go move to the neighborhood park, I think that would be the best for all of us. But if not, share the tasty poison pellets with your aunts, uncles, cousins, and siblings and we will deal with the stench until it goes away.
I wouldn't have such a problem with wildlife, if it would just stay in the wild and not invade my space.
Go visit the Un Mom by clicking on the label for more randoms.