Wednesday, September 17, 2008

The Basis Of Friendship

The previous blog got me thinking about friendships and why some of us just click and others do not. Wild pretty much summed up my initial attraction to her. Of course I was drawn to someone who arrived at my door, one week after my daughter was born, with food in one hand and a handful of Irish Barry's teabags in the other. How could I not like this person who not only appreciated tea the way I did, but also shared it? Not many people that live over here in the US really get tea. My heart instantly warmed to her. And from that good start we found that we have similar interests; we both love Jane Austen and Star Gate, scones, good food and the odd drink at the beer garden. The friendship was set in stone. Tea was indeed the beginning.

Not all friendships start with a mutual like, some even start with a mutual dislike. One of my very good friends and I love to discuss, but we never have to agree. In fact, I'm pretty sure we enjoy disagreeing more than agreeing. Disagreeing is not the basis of our friendship, but I think maybe a mutual respect for each others opinions is. There is nothing I love more than hearing her rant about a topic (that is why I wish she would join us and blog wink ).

Others friendships are from convenience of circumstances. Some people I feel grow all their friendships from convenience. And, for sure, I have some friends who I like a lot, but who I know I would never be friends with if we didn't live in the same town.

Some friendships take longer to get off the ground, others take off at high speed and then just pitter out or reach a plateau. I have one very good friend that for the first four, I repeat four, years of our acquaintance we did not like each other at all. When we did become friends, we looked back to find that we had not known each other at all during those four years. We had friends that had a mutual hate for each other. As a re
sult we never had really spoken. When we did, we found that we really got on well. So well, that despite changing circumstances, we are still very close and still see each other as often as we can.

Then there are the people who really I don't have a lot in common with. Who I wonder why we really became friends, but who I just love to spend time with. My neighbor is one of these. We don't have many common interests. Our circumstances are different, my kids are little, hers are college age. But I just think she is so cool to spend time with. We go to coffee and talk about our different lives and have fun doing so. But what exactly is the basis of our friendship, I am not sure.

Friendships are indeed complicated. With their intricacies, their flaws, their merits, and their total necessity. For my part my happiness really depends to quiet a degree on my friendships. Even my husband was a good friend long before he was anything else.


Jump Hi said...

Just to show you that I'm paying attention, I tried to post a comment to your friendship perspective and found that in the past few days, WC, I have already forgotten my login. Is ditziness a sufficient quality to form the basis of friendship? Because MS has been working for years to break me of the sugar in my tea habit.

Jump Hi said...

okay so what I really wanted to say was - I attended my play-school (4 year old class) parent night last night. The teacher let's call her Battle Axe informed us that mommy-day was Wed and daddy-day Sat. I respectfully shot my arm in the air for recognition because that is what you do in a class room even if the chair you are seated on is 8 inches off the ground and asked if my husband and I could swap since I work and he stays at home with the kids. The woman was horrified, emphatically denied my request, and then proceeded to tell me that she would be happy to "call my boss" if I needed her to so that I could get Wed off. You are the bloggers - what is your reaction? Me, I was horrified on so many levels it is hard to know where to start.

Multiple Sarcasms said...

Holy Crap! That is amazing that in this day and age Dad gets a weekend and Mums gets a weekday. How about parents get a weekend day. There must be a lot of parents that both work. Pre-school is meant to be fun for kids and parents. Surely they should be able to accommodate parents. I mean really it is probably not terrible to have to take a day off to go to the pre-school but why penalize a Mum that works over a Dad that works. This sounds ridiculous.

Wild Child said...

Oh, my God, Jump Hi, I just read your situation about not being able to switch. I am just sick to my stomach, that is plain rude and, dare I say it, discriminatory. I am disgusted. Can I call her and rant at her? And why do we have to separate the moms and dads? That is just plain perpetuating stereotypical roles in our society and not doing anyone any favors. Seriously, my jaw dropped and hit the desk. And knowing what part of the country you live in, I am additionally shocked and agast, because I would have thought that part of the country would "get" it.